:: The Shelter become the Storm ::

I could listen to this song over and over again.  Some days I do.  The raw emotion.

Watching you sleep for so long, 

Knowing I can't turn the rain into sun any more

I've given you all that I have,

Now I stand here, too scared to hold your hand

She loves someone dearly.  She wants to so much for that person.  She wants to take away the hurt, the pain, the agony.  She's tried.  She can't take the burden, and the burdens her even more.

This song is not parallel to my life, not completely.  But I can relate to some of the emotions.  The poetic flow.  The pain and conflict so beautifully written.

'Cause you see the shelter as the storm
Holding wind to keep you warm,
You are everything to me, this is why I have to leave,
So sleep well my angel.

The Shelter as the Storm...holding wind to keep you warm.  This I can relate to.  Isn't this the paradox of life.  The paradox of events that unfold.  The home you've created that now feels empty--with missing pieces.  The family you've desired and dreamed about --the dream manipulated, changed, forever different from the dream you once had.  The room you set up as a nursery, the very room your child would come to know as his own, his safe place, his haven --now, once again, a guest room--the only evidence it was ever meant for another time and another place is the words, lovingly painted on the wall "Heroes are born in our dreams...".  Home...family...hopes...dreams.  These once safe places don't feel so safe anymore.  The place you could relax, breathe, sigh --it's now the place that makes you cry, that makes you anxious, that catches your breathe, pounds your heart, and tears your soul to pieces.

Beauty from Ashes.  That's the phrase, right?  I want so much more out of life than grief and disappointment.  I want more for me, for my earthly children, for my Angel baby, most of all...for my husband.  I want to take away the hurt for us both.  I want to make the nursery magically appear, Logan to be in our arms, our picture perfect life to actually be found in a picture...somewhere, anywhere.  

We will turn these ashes into beauty.  Our Logan painted our world so vividly...so perfect...so lovingly.  We can't let him down now.